Translated by Patrick Tse
"Owing to addiction to gambling, one makes no complaint either to poverty or even starvation to death." It is really a vague wish for an addicted gambler to abstain from this evil practice. I deeply believe that the gambling abstainers should have this experience that it is in a high profile to abstain gambling at the very beginning. However, they will relapse easily just after a short while. It is simply because one will have low mood at times and it is exactly the most dangerous period for the trial. It will make one spoil one's resolution. The worse situation is that one will misinterpret he or she is destined to failure and return to the pit of hell forever. The gamblers will dishearten in daily life or induce distress to family, commit suicide etc.. It is not difficult to read such nauseating news at times. I am going to take my story as a reminder for the moribund gamblers to enlighten their hope and confidence to turn over a new leaf.
After matriculation, I joined the Police Force and underwent training at the Police Training School. Other than physical , legal training, the Officer always reminded us not to addict to gambling after graduation. Most brothers were gamblers. It is undeniable that gambling is mostly welcome within the circle. People there secured every chance to indulge in various kinds of gambling such as Pei Kau, Cusses, Poker, Keno and Mahjong etc. in the Common Room and Bar Room. We had at least two times of Eating-together gathering or Worshipping Kwan-ti ceremony each month. After the function, it is natural to have gambling activities such as Pei-Kau and Mahjong and the stakes always exceeded ten thousand dollars each time. They never treasured the intrinsic worth of their wages. Once they lost, they would borrow money from the banks, financial companies or the sharks. Since we were policemen who were the civil servants and our salaries were guaranteed, the lenders were willing to lend as much as possible. Once we were in financial difficulties, we were bound to do something against our consciousness. I dared not say every policeman was good but I dared to say they were not bad guys. They had the sense of sincerity and righteousness. In my mind, the society is clearly indicated by the good and the bad. As we were troubled by enormous gambling debts, we foolishly did some illegal things. We had internal conflicts and sorrows and realized that there were greywares - the loopholes.
In principle, I had a happy family and was highly appreciated by my superior. My colleague respected me. Unfortunately, gambling made me lose my marriage, tapped the fire and committed crime and of course became a prisoner. I blamed myself all the time - feeling sorry to my parent , wife and children; spoiling their trust to me; wasting my colleagues' aspiration. After the discharge from prison, I was abandoned by my wife who told a lie and left me together with children. I was very disappointed. I got back to gambling which concerned not only money but my life. I understood I had psychological problem - starting to hurt myself bodily. Whenever I did something wrong repeatedly, my family members helped me to recover by all means. This made me determine to abstain gambling. I had several times to commit suicides but I finally gave up because of my seven-year old son and aged parent. I had made up my mind to prove my determination to go back on the right track in their presence. At last, I applied for liquidation and sought assistance from Caritas Addicted Gamblers Counselling Centre. I determined to abstain gambling and believed that a wanderer should be able to find back his right way. It entirely depended on one's willingness.
During the rehabilitation, to help yourself is the most important factor. First, you have to pardon yourself, treasure yourself. If you don't treasure yourself, how do you treasure others? Second, reconstruct your self-confidence. To reflect clearly and reaffirm your value judgement positively step by step. Don't expect that you must get back all you exert but you may get at least something. To run too fast may lead you drop heavier. Finally, forgive others because to be angry with others is a foolish deed. It may make me unhappy all the time. Our mind and heart should be occupied with happy memories and experience. Keep smiling all the time and sometimes it may release some tense emotions.
As a matter of fact, we are the helmsmen of ourselves. We will lose way if our wills are uncertain and cannot reach the destination. It is still okay if the sea is calm. Otherwise, we may come across the plight which breaks the ship and life together if the sea is rough. Stern resolution and clear orientation play an important role in our success.
Friends! From now on, when you wake up , look at the mirror with smiles and promise yourself to act positively today. For those wandering gamblers or promising gambling abstainers, I deeply wish them awaken as soon as possible and turn over a new leaf brightly and sensibly.
I have started my paces! How about you?