Counsellors Go Back

Did you ever.............


Crave for good results, but with the least time and effort in your study


Dream of becoming a super-star, favoured and admired by millions of fans, ignoring may be over 10 years mediocre popularity


Hoping for an affection, but without much effort to enhance the relationship


Maybe the appeal of gambling is to seize people's craving : pursuing success without paying any effort. However being obsessed with the mindset of fluke, mistakenly believing oneself can look proudly down on this wide world like an eagle, and thinking oneself to be an exception, will eventually find oneself fallen into the pitfall, becoming a victim at the mercy of and being manipulated by gambling.


If someone tells you that if you start gambling, you may in future become a problem gambler hurting yourself and your family, what have you to say? Maybe you will laugh off, maybe you think it is like making a mountain out of a molehill, or it is over-sensitive to have such a conclusion. However it is like what the movie-star Yul Brynner said, "Had I not smoked the first cigarette, I would not be talking to you now." In fact, for the cause of problem gambling, there has been no authoritative explanation. However many ex-gamblers share with me the "if's" in their mind.


If I did not gamble for the first time,
If I never tasted the sweets of winning a small fortune
If I stopped gambling after losing money
If I quit gambling when I was still young,


"then my life will have been very different." There are many if's , but unfortunately there is nothing like a time machine which can take people back to the past to start all over again.


Since we cannot go back to the past, why can't we start a new life from now on?" It is a blessing when the prodigal returns." "Don't repeat a previous mistake" "A burnt child dreads the fire." However, to many gamblers' families, they cannot understand why the gamblers still keep on gambling after hurting themselves and their families so much. Now let's us try to analyze it from the gambling mindset.


People first expecting a fluke are being attracted by gambling, later they escape to avoid the consequences, then they expect another fluke to win back, and in the end they found themselves wallowing in the gambling sea unable to get out of it.


Before Gambling : The odds of winning


The difficulty in quitting gambling is that no matter what torments gamblers have suffered through addicted gambling, the suspense of gambling captures the mind, especially during inter-personal or financial difficulty when it is easy for gamblers to focus on the sweets of winning to comfort a moment's loss and helplessness, and then craving for a big win before quitting the bad habit and living a new quiet life. However I heard the experience of two ex-gamblers :


A gambler won nearby one million dollars in a single night from the gambling table with only a few thousand dollars. He could have paid off all his debts. However he was so infatuated with victory and immediately in a single night he lost all the money. You may think that if you were him, you would not have been so stupid. However another story tells us how enormous the power of greed is.


An ex-gambler knew that he lacked self-control. So he went to a casino with two friends. Before going he instructed his friends once and again to bring him together with the money that he will win back to Hong Kong. However when he won a straight ten games, he simply ignored his friends persuasion and warning to stop. In the end he came back, but only after losing all his money. He could not overcome the greed.

After losing money: It is not losing when gambling still goes on


After disillusion, one should return to reality. However bewilderment and scare swallow people's strong will. So they keep on gambling, believing "it is not losing when gambling still goes on" and "can't do without gambling" until at the end of their tether they cannot but put a full-stop to this nightmare.


Some ex-gamblers told me that before they gambled they thought they might lose. However they dreamt of a fluke, and thought they could gradually pay off the debt if they lost. The mindset "It is not losing when gambling still goes on" obsessed them, and in the end his debts accumulated beyond his management.


After paying off the debts, small bets can be entertainment


In counselling against addicted behaviour such as gambling, drug abuse or alcoholism, recidivation is an important issue for concern. According to many ex-gamblers' stories, one of the causes of recidivation is the fluke and pride mindset. They began with "small bets can be entertainment" being unaware that they are already walking a tight-rope, and having forgotten all the previous torments.


Everybody has more or less a fluke mindset, albeit showing it in different ways. When putting it on gambling, it transforms into an opportunity to get rich. However when addicted to gambling, one may mistakenly think that oneself is an exception to the gambling problem while as it is, he is no exception. It is only unfortunate he cannot see it because he is already being deeply embroiled.

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